Open letter to the BBC:
Guys and gals at the Eurovision department! Let us all conclude that things have gotten a tiny bit out of hand lately. It is painfully obvious that your national final keeps letting you down, so you end up with silly novelty acts that nobody in their right minds (sorry, Malta) would vote for. My guess is that your new steady presence in the very bottom of the league is not what you would really wish for, right?
So, my best tip for you all is to scrap the national final. Take the decision out of the hands of the televoters as they have blown it too many times lately, and just select an entry internally.
Instead of wasting money on another national final, stage a TV show, a flashy gala with Eurovision connection, where you reveal the UK act. The audience will like that as much, maybe even more. Give them something to do as well: select the best ever UK entry or something. And let Lulu sing. Show some clips and let Wogan tell incorrect facts about them.
And then get a star to do the job for you. Yes, I hear you already. No star would do it for the UK, you say. I think you are wrong. I even have two suggestions for you. Pay attention, class, and take notes.
Emma Bunton - Maybe
Emma Bunton is tailormade for Eurovision - cute, fun, happening. And surely set on re-conquering a career after the only semi-successful Spice Girls reunion. A song in the same style as "Maybe" with a great staging could be what it takes to get you back into the Top 3.
Mika - Relax, take it easy
Mika has already talked about Eurovision in newspapers (stating he would represent Lebanon if they ever entered) which is a good sign. He is the young, successful talent that everybody loves and who can't go wrong. He needs to follow up his massive success and preferrably do something unexpected. What could be more unexpected than a million seller doing the ESC? I think he could actually be wacko enough to give it a try. And I am sure it would pay off.
So at least think about it, will you? We really do want to vote for you, I promise. Nobody hates you. Really. We won't waste our money on crap, but if you surprise us by sending something good, I promise we will reward you.